What Hurts You The Most Isn’t Always What You Think
Sometimes, you’ve been struck by a second arrow
It’s only natural you think you know what hurts you. Of course, you do! It’s that disrespectful thing your sister said. The way your brother gave you that ‘look.’ Or it’s how somebody treated you that made you mad, sad, or miserable.
The cause of your upset is clear. Or is it? Might there be a secondary reason you lie awake at night and worry about these things?
We all know what triggers our initial distress, but few of us pay attention to what lengthens our unhappiness or makes it grow out of proportion.
Buddhists sometimes refer to the cause of added angst as the second arrow. The second arrow is let loose to strike your psyche (and add to emotional pain) when you mull over an upsetting event.
Rather than attempt to resolve feelings of conflict, you might inadvertently feed it, pouring extra material into the mix.
Let’s say you’re angry because your partner forgets your anniversary. Naturally, their behavior, or lack of it, displeases you. But what hurts you the most is casting the second arrow.
If you use your disappointment to dredge up other misdemeanors from the past or layer your anxiety with fears over what your partner…
