Unexpected Reasons Why Your Partner Might Leave You

Perhaps they were busy break-dancing while you wanted a gentle waltz

A couple dance.
Photo by Clarisse Meyer on Unsplash

I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but I’m bound to feel rejected if a partner leaves me.

After all, didn’t we spend all of that time together? Didn’t we share secrets, laughter, and intimacy?

Suddenly all the good times and everything between wash away because of the other person’s choice to break free.

Being left is never easy. Fears about not being good enough might surface, and you could feel like you’re a seven-year-old, waiting for your parents to approve of you and knowing they don’t ‘get’ you.

But what if having someone leave you could be a learning experience that helps you develop and flourish?

It’s possible being rejected is the best thing that ever happened to you, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the time.

How open-minded are you?

Have courage because one of the best ways to glean insights and gain personal growth from the end of your relationship is to recognize why your partner left you.

As I see it, you have two choices: You can go away feeling ashamed and unworthy. Or, you can uncover hidden gems in the relationship wreckage that help you grow.

The idea isn’t to drag you down and make you experience remorse. The chances are, you’ve done nothing to be ashamed about, anyway.

Don’t worry; delving into what just happened in your relationship might reveal surprising insights that boost your wisdom, well-being, and success in future relationships. Here’s why someone might have left you.

You aren’t a great match

Sometimes, being with a partner who differs from you is helpful. It can show you another side to life and provide balance and growth.

At others, though, couples don’t gel well enough to find happiness.

Of course, there’s always the choice to discover more about each other and decide differences don’t matter. You can have a terrific partnership with someone with interests you don’t share.

However, it’s best to choose a partner with similar opinions and moral reasoning to yours regarding significant views about what’s essential in life.

Perhaps your now ex-partner left you because they couldn’t find a middle ground between what they want from life and what you seem to desire.

If so, change in the form of a breakup isn’t such a bad thing.

It can give you the nudge to go out and meet someone more suitable. Or, you might take time alone to learn about yourself and what you need from life.

That way, the next time you get involved with someone, you’ll know to check your views match and whether it’s worth pursuing the relationship.

Another reason a partner who’s not a suitable match for you might leave you is that they meet someone else.

At the time, you may imagine the individual they left you for is better looking, sexier, more intelligent, or has something else over you.

But the truth still is that you weren’t a good match. A better partner will treat you with respect and honesty rather than lie and cheat.

If someone can’t give that to you, they aren’t right for you.

Your partner is fearful

It’s normal to tell your beloved secrets about yourself you usually keep hidden. Opening up is often part of the initial relationship dance we perform during the honeymoon phase. We can’t wait to have our partner’s undivided attention. After all, people don’t usually want to listen to our ‘stuff,’ and our beloved is all ears.

That is unless they fear getting hurt.

Revealing emotional baggage is similar to being naked in front of someone for the first time. Do you want them to see that giant mole on your back, love handles on your sides or ingrown toenails?

These tiny imperfections aren’t too much of a problem when we’re confident and carefree. If we fear being seen, though, because someone’s poked fun at our appearance before, our attitude will differ, and we will be shy.

Likewise, if your partner’s been hurt emotionally, they won’t be keen to let you see their personality in the buff. They worry you might not accept them and could leave them. Before that’s possible, perhaps they’ll leave you to avoid the pain of rejection.

People often need a while to heal after a painful breakup, and when you meet someone who hasn’t gotten over a past relationship, perhaps they aren’t ready to connect with you yet.

They want to retain their privacy

Every relationship has a certain level of physical intensity (which doesn’t only relate to sex).

Physical boundaries include living space too. So it can feel awkward when you start spending more and more time with a partner at their home or yours.

One of you might feel the other is intruding on their privacy, or the opposite, pushing them away.

Finding that balance of physical comfort regarding personal space is like a dance.

If one partner is busy break-dancing, spinning on their head, while the other fancies a gentle Waltz, things are bound to go wrong.

Even when someone cares for you, they might not want the same level of intimacy you need. But, of course, this could go either way.

Your partner might want to see you more often and ramp up closeness while you want them to back off and give you space.

For a relationship to work, couples fare best when they discuss how often they want to see each other and the level to which they infringe on or share each other’s territory.

If the scenario rings true, you can bear what you’ve just uncovered in mind before dating again.

#How much space or intimacy do you require?

#What would be too much or too little familiarity?

Once you understand your needs, you’ll stand a good chance of getting it right next time.

You might feel rejected, abandoned, or angry if your partner leaves you. But how you handle the situation matters because it affects the emotional baggage you build.

Don’t let the breakup make you turn inwards where you suffer from negative self-talk and beat yourself up with shame.

Instead, learn from what happened and find out more about your needs.

Then, you’ll be better prepared when you meet someone who’s a terrific match for you.

Bridget Webber writes articles for magazines and websites; she often ghostwrites for professionals who can’t spare the time to pen compositions. She’s written poetry eBooks and is featured in several leading publications.

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✨ Bridget Webber

✨ Bridget Webber


Writer, former counselor, author, and avid tea drinker learning how to live well.