Love with Respect is Better Than Romance with Passion

It outlasts the chemical rush

“Did you long for someone to sweep you off your feet with grand gestures and adore you when you were single?”

Jude fixed her eyes on me, waiting for a response.

“It happened a few times, and it wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be, I assure you.”

She looked disappointed.

“How can it ‘not’ have been amazing?” She quizzed me, disbelieving what I said.

“Passion’s fun,” I replied, “yet, it’s just a hallucination.”

Passion on its own is a whirlwind. It gusts into your life with furious zest, sweeping you along with its power. It fuels desire and pushes people farther than they usually go, or sucks them back like a strong tide.

Then again, it has its place. Without it, many artists wouldn’t produce their best work and plenty of romances wouldn’t occur.

Somehow, though, I can’t help thinking it goes hand-in-hand with insanity. When you are passionate, you aren’t really in control and harmony is in the distance.

“Spill the details then!” Jude wanted to hear something romantic.

“Well, there were gifts, but that’s not true evidence of passion. Passion occurs when someone is nuts about you. It’s chemical madness.”

I sensed my answer wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

When someone is passionate, no doubt, they have lofty ideas about what they want from you and an imaginary concept of who you are and the way they want you to behave.

“Didn’t you enjoy being the object of someone’s appetite, though?” She was determined to get me to say the experience was incredible.

“Ah! You’ve hit the nail on the head!” I singled out a word in her sentence that described the situation. “You said something about being the ‘object’ of a person’s passion. In a way, you are objectified when someone’s passionate about you.”

It feels great to be on the receiving end, but only for a short time. After a while, the pedestal on which you’ve been placed gets wobbly, and you are bound to slip up by not fitting the image the other person’s created about you.

That is, unless you are also respected. When someone respects you, they don’t shove past your boundaries and expect more than you find acceptable to offer. They keep your well-being in mind and see it as synonymous with their own, for to upset you would upset them too.

If people don’t respect you, however passionate they are about you, you can’t have a healthy relationship. What’s the point of being the catalyst for whirlwind behavior (armfuls of flowers and sweet words) if the person offering them lets you down or tramples on your feelings?

“I’ve had my share of passion,” I told Jude. “But it’s not a patch on respect.”

“You’ve ruined my ideas about romance.” Jude was glum for a moment, but then perked up a little. “Maybe, I’m not missing out after all. I keep wanting my guy to be more passionate about me. Perhaps, though, I’ve already hit the jackpot. I don’t get roses and chocolates. But he is considerate and kind.”

Indeed, respect is considerate, and if it comes with love, it’s kind too.

Independent content creator, ghostwriter, author mental health advocate, and poet.

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