How to Cope If You’re Grieving for Your Old Way of Life During the Corona-Virus
We don’t just mourn when people die
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Many people are confused about their emotions at present. Covid-19 brings with it many changes, a great deal of which are unwanted. Your lifestyle, no doubt, has altered dramatically. You can’t visit loved ones and friends. You can’t go to your usual haunts for entertainment. Even food shopping is a nightmare.
You’re worried about health (yours, and that of people close to you). You’re concerned about the welfare of people you’ve never met, and even your cleaning routine has changed. Now, you disinfect door handles, wash your hands countless times a day, and may worry about other household members’ hygiene.
And the impact is similar, in many ways, to grief. You’re grieving your old way of life and rallying against the lack of freedom and fear that drips into your everyday routine.
Symptoms of grief
In her book On Death and Dying Elisabeth Kubler-Ross describes the five stages of grieving, and we can apply them to the results of the current pandemic.
Denial
The initial stage of grief is denial. Your first reaction to the sudden loss of your lifestyle will be shock and disbelief. You’ll know you’re in this stage if you trivialize the coronavirus pandemic, suggesting people have blown it out of proportion, or ‘can’t get your head around it.’
People experiencing denial during the coronavirus outbreak do their best to continue with life as normal. They might not yet pay heed to healthcare advice from professionals and will assume individuals in their surroundings (who aren’t in stage one grief with them) make life difficult and are deluded.
Your denial stems from sadness and fear about the coronavirus crisis and the way it influences your life. It’s an avoidance measure because, let’s face it, dealing with the upheaval and uncertainty involved in the pandemic is hard.
As a result of your mindset, you may feel lonely and misunderstood.
Anger
The next stage is anger. Grieving people sometimes get upset with whatever or whoever they believe caused them to experience loss.
If you’re in stage two, you’re likely to be angry with authority figures: healthcare officials, police, government and so on, believing they are blameworthy for not stopping the pandemic. You may also be upset with whoever you imagine is culpable for the start of the outbreak.
Bargaining
The third stage is bargaining, and if you’re in it, you are transitioning to greater comprehension about what’s happening.
You might reach out to a higher power — via prayer, for instance — asking for the pandemic to end while promising to embark upon improvement if your wish is granted. Perhaps you’ll vow to take care of the planet more or improve your health and compassion for others.
Depression
Unlike clinical depression, depression caused by grief stems from an event (loss) and is episodic. In the present situation, it arrives when the truth that your way of life has ended hits home.
You recognize it is necessary to curb your social activity, wash your hands often, and use technology to keep in touch with people, potentially, for some time.
You stop kidding yourself it will all be over any moment now and acknowledge your loss will continue for an unknown amount of time and you must get used to new lifestyle changes.
Perhaps, you also understand your way of life could be different even after the pandemic.
Acceptance
When you reach stage five in the grieving process, you’ll accept your old way of life is over for now. You may miss it, but won’t promise yourself you’ll get back what you had soon.
With acceptance comes the opportunity to adopt new supportive practices to help you get through the outbreak without becoming overwhelmed by anxiety. You might develop a fresh routine and adapt to changes in the environment.
Perhaps you’ll adopt a self-imposed time schedule to provide structure to your day. Or, if you don’t gain comfort from regimens, you may just practice helpful activities — meditation, mindfulness, guided imagery, or listening to upbeat music, for instance — whenever you feel the need.
Rather than see the circumstances you face as an ending, your mindset will switch to adaptation and fresh beginnings. You might still feel the loss of your old lifestyle and the emotions that come with forced change, but unhelpful self-talk about how it’s not fair and the stressful pressure of fighting against circumstances will lift.
Your old lifestyle isn’t available at present, and it might pain you to believe it’s true. Because you didn’t choose your circumstances, and they were sudden, it’s likely you’re experiencing grief. Know, however, you will find it easier to manage in time, even if you still feel a sense of loss.
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