Does Insecurity Affect Your Relationship with Your Partner?
Here’s what you can do about it
If you feel insecure in your relationship with your partner, your anxiety spreads into your other relationships, too. Doubts and lack of confidence don’t exist in one part of your life and not in others, although they may manifest more in your close connections. If you are insecure, don’t worry, though. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you. You can reduce your worries and increase your confidence.
Why do your insecurities manifest more in your relationship with your partner?
Romantic relationships present perfect platforms for aspects of the personality to play out. You get multiple chances to display your strongest and weakest qualities. By ‘weakest,’ I don’t mean broken parts of you. Problem areas of the psyche aren’t really ‘problems.’ They’re parts of you to bring into balance, and we all have them.
People act insecure in a variety of ways. Self-doubt, unworthiness, and fear of not meeting the standards you imagine are necessary to keep your relationship afloat signal insecurity.
Insecurity can make you afraid to form a close attachment to a partner and commit to the relationship or go in a different direction, leaving you jealous, obsessive, or clingy.
It’s possible to lose sight of your sense of self, too, because of insecurity. I once knew a woman who did whatever she could to please her partner, from dressing in clothes he liked to hanging paintings he admired on her walls. When the relationship ended, she looked in her wardrobe and around her flat and couldn’t see her identity reflected there anymore. She had to rediscover who she was and remember her personal taste.
Your attachment style affects you
Perhaps you’ve heard that people are sometimes attracted to individuals with similar traits to one of their parents. It’s not always true, but your relationship with your primary caregivers can play a big part in your attachment style now. So, you might hook up with someone with certain qualities, like your mom or dad, even if you dislike those traits.
You may meet scenarios you had difficulty managing as a child when you’re an adult. They won’t be exactly the same, but they bear a resemblance. If your dad rejected you, or your mom didn’t show you affection, a partner with similar qualities might attract you, for instance. The scenario will feel familiar, although painful. You likely unconsciously want to resolve complications and fulfill unmet emotional needs.
Your parents aren’t to blame for your insecurities, though. They, doubtless, developed their attachment style, displayed in how they treat you, from their parents. The cycle continues when individuals don’t recognize traits like insecurity and incorporate them in healthy ways into adult relationships.
An insecure attachment style could develop even if your parents are loving, kind, and attentive. As a child, you didn’t possess the emotional adeptness you hold as an adult and might have misinterpreted events.
Children often believe their parent’s divorce occurred because of them or they were to blame for other problems in their childhood: One example of the way kids don’t always understand what’s happening. Unless they are comforted and events are explained in ways they can comprehend, they sometimes imagine they cause negative circumstances or must behave in specific ways to avoid them, resulting in insecurity.
Your genetics can be involved in your attachment style, too, making you more sensitive to events and anxious. If so, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your sensitivity can be a helpful superpower in some respects. You just need to know how to live with it in ways that increase rather than detract from your well-being.
Self-awareness increases healthy emotion management
Boost awareness of how your insecurity affects you, and you’ll enjoy a healthier relationship with your partner. You’ll cope better once you recognize how your insecurity seeps into your relationship. Understanding events that trigger unease and how you react will help you anticipate difficulties so you can prepare.
Preparing could mean you discuss challenging circumstances with your partner and figure out a plan of action. If you get upset when your partner wants you to spend too much time with them or the opposite, discussing your needs and why they occur will help.
Or you might ask your partner to call when they will be late for a date or be more attentive when you need support. You can also decide how to self-soothe and instill calm when insecurity rises. Meditation or another mindful activity like walking among nature, exercising, or turning to humor may help.
Insecurity in your relationship with your partner need not spell doom and gloom, and you don’t have to alter your personality. Incorporate your emotional needs so they aren’t a problem. Recognize triggers and how you behave when they occur, and open channels of communication with your partner about your feelings so you can create a helpful plan.
